Being the first Iranian convert to the restored gospel, Jamileh Zaifnejad Hogan shared her journey from confusion to clarity and from conflict to peace at the Global Awareness Lecture, sponsored by the David M. Kennedy Center for International Studies on Wednesday (June 21, 2006).

As a girl, Hogan grew up in Tehran, Iran in a non-traditional Muslim family. Her first religious confusion happened in 2nd grade while playing at a friend's house. When it was time for Hogan to go home, her younger brother, who was about 7-years-old, entered the courtyard where she was playing to escort her home. Her brother's presence upset all the other woman who began yelling, "A man! A man!" One woman couldn't find anything to cover her hair so she grabbed her skirt and pulled it over her head.

When Hogan went home, she asked her mom if it was more important for a woman to cover her head or her bottom, she said.

Growing up, Hogan observed a clash between beliefs and behavior of those around her. She was naturally inclined to ask questions, but this would often get her in trouble with religious people around her, who would label people who questioned or expressed ideas as an infidel, she said.

As a teenager, Hogan's father, who was an atheist, said to her, "If you don't keep your tongue in your mouth you will lose your head, but if you want to read and expand your mind, do it!"

This advice led Hogan to read about several religions and visit different churches, a process she described as more confusing than convincing. She concluded as a girl that there was no God because of the terrible calamities in the world and around her. Ultimately, she questioned the meaning and purpose of life.

It was as a student, at the University of Tehran, that Hogan first came in contact with the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Her friend, Lloyd Miller, invited her to attend a sacrament meeting in a branch of foreign nationalists.

During the sacrament, Hogan was invited by another member to take the bread and water. She was hesitant because she didn't want to give a false impression about her faith, but did so to "expedite the process."

An unexpected experience followed, which confounded her ability to logically reason what was happening to her, she said.

"It was as if my body was burning, and my whole life was playing in front of my eyes, like a fast movie," Hogan said, "Like a rubric puzzle, everything was falling into place."

She left the meeting believing the bread and water must have been spiked. But, over the next few weeks Hogan continued to have similar "strange experiences."

"There was something that had resonance in my soul, and that I couldn't explain," Hogan said. "I was trying to be as logical as possible, and yet I had no answer to what was happening to me."

Hogan ended up calling some members in the branch to see if they could provide answers to what was happening.

The discussions seemed irrelevant to her because it was obvious they were memorized. However, she had a sacred experience, "similar to what Paul had, but on my level," which led to her decision to be baptized, she was 21-years-old at the time.

She risked being disowned or imprisoned, because at the time it was not clear whether joining another religion was against the law, Hogan said. She scheduled her baptism for Jan. 8, 1975 at 4 p.m.

The peace she had found was immediately threatened, as student riots broke out at the University of Tehran on the morning of her scheduled baptism and marshal law was declared. Hogan witnessed the violent death of many students as the military opened fire on the students.

Hogan hid from the military in a bathroom until things quieted down, but was then confronted and hit with the back of a rifle by soldiers. Hogan was picked up as planned outside the university by a member, brother Hancock, who had to bribe everyone who stopped him along the way.

Hogan was baptized in a pool with several inches of ice and returned home that evening with members waiting outside for her in case she was disowned.

As she returned home, her parents demanded to know where she had been, due to the dangerous riots that were going on. However, her mother then stopped and asked what had happened to Hogan, because she had a light and peace coming from her.

From that moment on, God guided Hogan to where she is today, she said. Currently, as a language analyst with the Department of Justice, Hogan does not take for granted the answers that she received to some of her most important questions because of the gospel.

Copyright Brigham Young University 21 Jun 2006